Hi! I’m Here for the Menopause Package

The Resort Check-In That Flopped

It took me forever (hi ADD) to finally book my gyno appointment for menopause. When I walked in, I decided to lighten the mood and check in like I was at a five-star resort:

“Hi! I’m here for the menopause package!”

I thought I’d get a laugh. Nope. Just: “Take a seat.”

The waiting room? My tribe. All silently united by hormones and hot flashes, but no eye contact, no small talk. I was hoping for a Jardiance commercial style flash mob or at least a menopause buddy. Instead, it was more like cattle being called in, one by one.

The Exam Room Script

By the time my gyno breezed in, I was ready with my joke again. Still crickets.

“Hi, I’m here for the menopause package!”

Her response? A speed round of dismissive advice:

• Sleep issues? “Get more sleep.”

• Weight gain? “Do more cardio.”

• NADS? “Works for 1% of women.”

• Zero energy? “Get more sleep.”

I explained that sleeping more is impossible when your bladder sets a one-hour alarm. Unless I’m in a medically induced coma, it’s not happening.

Worst of all? Married only two years, honeymoon phase technically still active, and I had zero interest in sex.

Finally, she offered a plan: start hormone replacement therapy. Earliest in three weeks. Relief, sort of. At least it was something.

The Timing Couldn’t Be Worse

At checkout, I made one last attempt: “I need to schedule my menopause package.” Nothing. And then I found out there was a separate exit, no rallying the troops for a dramatic send-off.

Minutes later, my phone rang. “Don’t bother coming into the office, you’re fired.” Perfect. Another story, another post.

Because of insurance changes, my HRT got pushed back until October. Happy 51st to me.

Finding My Tribe (and Creatine?)

For now, I’m navigating this solo. My friend started a menopause Facebook group (part girlfriends, part strangers) where I first learned about NADS and HRT. I rarely engage because… Facebook. But last night, between my 3 a.m. menopiss and chugging water, I scrolled and found something new:

Creatine Monohydrate.
Yep, the same powder my 19-year-old son begs me to order for his workouts. Apparently, it can help with menopause. Who knew?

So the journey continues. I’m willing to try anything.
Keep ya posted.

xoMS