Sciatica, Setbacks, and Small Wins: Learning to Take Back Control

I’ve been out of commission for a few days, and let me tell you, the pain in my back is not getting better. I fear I’m suffering from “sciatica pain depression”. It knocks you down physically, but the mental game? That’s where it really gets you. I’ve been baking (recipes coming soon!), cooking, and dabbling in little projects, but the truth is… I haven’t left the house. I haven’t written. I haven’t even turned on my computer in days.

Family Ties and a Lightbulb Moment

This morning my mom called to tell me my dad was suffering from severe back pain. Guess it runs in the family. When I called him to check in, I said:

“Dad, take it easy on yourself. I know firsthand that sciatica can get really depressing.”

That’s when it hit me. Ouch. I wasn’t just giving him advice, I was calling myself out too.

When Pain Turns Into a Recipe for Disaster

I’ve let a lot of outside elements pile up on me, menopause, ADHD, the endless job hunt (hello, 50+ resumes and counting), and the constant background hum of anxiety about the future. Mix in sciatica pain depression, and voilà: my very own recipe for disaster.

I catch myself before drifting too far into dark places, but it takes work. Sometimes I claw my way back with small wins (organizing a drawer, finishing a project). Other times I let myself lean into downtime, but I know I can’t live there.

Lately I’ve been telling myself: Once the sciatica is gone… once I land a job… once I get my HRT dialed in… then I’ll feel like myself again.

But the truth is, waiting for “once” is keeping me stuck.

Taking Back Control of My Life

Here’s the truth I keep coming back to: I’ve spent too much of my life not feeling in control. And now, even in this messy middle, I know one thing for sure, fate and destiny can only take you so far, the rest is work.

I can’t control sciatica flare-ups, the job market, or the chaos of menopause, but I can control how I show up for myself. My body, my mind, my career, my life.

I’m not giving up. And if you’re reading this and you’ve felt the same way, you’re not alone. We’ll get there, one step (or limp) at a time. xoMS